029 - Rinoa - Video
Sep. 19th, 2010 06:42 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
livelyangel.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mooglenet_backup[Rinoa is back in her room in Garden. She's curled up on the bed, hugging her dog, Angelo. The pair are inseparable. Rinoa can't look at anyone else without the memories of everything she did getting in the way. But Angelo loves her. Even though she locked Angelo up and left her, a dog's love is unconditional and Rinoa is clinging to that right now.
She looks at the camera for several long moments. She knows that she has to apologise to everyone, but what can she say?]
...I'm sorry.
[And that's all Rinoa can manage for now. She leans forward and the feed switches off.]
She looks at the camera for several long moments. She knows that she has to apologise to everyone, but what can she say?]
...I'm sorry.
[And that's all Rinoa can manage for now. She leans forward and the feed switches off.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2010-09-21 06:55 pm (UTC)[And there's a sinking feeling as she recognises the other woman.]
You're - you glowed...
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Date: 2010-09-21 07:02 pm (UTC)I--yes. I didn't want to fight you, but...neither of us had a choice, did we?
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Date: 2010-09-21 07:14 pm (UTC)Yeah...
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Date: 2010-09-21 07:33 pm (UTC)[She tugs at the end of her ponytail, fumbling for the right words. This isn't an easy subject for her, especially when speaking to someone she just met.]
...I thought you should know that you aren't alone. Something like that happened to me, too.
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Date: 2010-09-21 08:55 pm (UTC)You were possessed?
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Date: 2010-09-21 10:01 pm (UTC)Not exactly. I was...controlled, because of my powers. There was a device Kefka made that caused me to be his puppet; I had no will of my own, and I would attack whoever he wanted killed. I think it happened for years; when the device was removed, I couldn't remember anything about myself at first, but then...I began to remember bits and pieces.
[She winces; those flashbacks are all too clear, to her mind.]
That wasn't the only time, either. I don't personally remember anything about that later attempt at all, but I do know I attacked a good friend and hurt him pretty badly because of it. When I awoke from that, I knew that there was something important that I had forgotten...and then I learned later what I had done.
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Date: 2010-09-22 09:10 pm (UTC)[Rinoa shivers.]
I didn't know he could do that too. You... how did you get through it?
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Date: 2010-09-22 09:47 pm (UTC)In some ways, I'm still getting through it. I still have dreams and flashbacks...and there's not much warning for either. I've gotten better with time, but I don't know if that sort of thing will ever really go away...or the guilt. It's easy for people who haven't been controlled to say that it's not our fault, but...some things can't be erased just because of that, you know?
[Pause.]
The way I get through it is with the support of my friends. They know what Kefka did, what he's like, and have accepted me despite my past. That...means far more to me than I can possibly say.
I know I can't change what happened, but at the same time, I won't let it control my present. Not anymore. I'll use my powers, but I'll use them to protect people, and every time I do that, I fight Kefka's words about me. I don't have to be destruction incarnate.
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Date: 2010-09-24 12:05 am (UTC)Yes, exactly! It can't be erased...
So... You still use your powers? You're not afraid of losing control?
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Date: 2010-09-24 12:44 am (UTC)Not as much as I used to be, no. Once I gained knowledge of what I am, that helped me from panicking, and I learned that my Esper form -what you saw earlier- could be managed if I wasn't in it for too long. In brief bursts, I'm okay.
...when I was in the Void, with Cloud and Squall and the others, I couldn't remember any of that, though. I don't know why, but we only remembered the war there and not the rest of our lives. I think that amnesia is what caused me to lose control again. But...with the help of the friends I had gained there, I was able to stop it from happening further. It wasn't easy, but...it proved to be possible.
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Date: 2010-09-24 12:06 pm (UTC)[That sounds very familiar to Rinoa. It's the same reason she needs a knight.]
...What's an Esper?
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Date: 2010-09-24 01:22 pm (UTC)[Video/Filtered]
Date: 2010-09-24 02:23 pm (UTC)[And that all sounds very strange, but Rinoa supposes she should be used to that by now. Nobody else has ever heard of junctioning, after all.]
That's why you were a target. Because you're different.
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Date: 2010-09-24 04:04 pm (UTC)The Emperor and Kefka thought I could help them in their bid to acquire more power. They captured full-blooded Espers for that purpose, too, but I was the only one they used in that way. The others were imprisoned and slowly drained....
[Her said grows distant, saddened, but she focuses once more.]
It's not exactly a secret, what I am, but I don't usually tell people unless there's reason for them to know. I don't want to be judged...and it's hard to shake that fear of being used again.
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Date: 2010-09-24 06:38 pm (UTC)That's what it's like for me too... I kept it a secret for so long. But now everybody knows.
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Date: 2010-09-24 07:10 pm (UTC)I'm sorry. It's hard enough, living with such power, without having everyone know, and judge. But...you have friends, too, right? Squall and the others....
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Date: 2010-09-25 05:39 pm (UTC)Re: [Video/Filtered]
Date: 2010-09-25 09:23 pm (UTC)I hope you won't have to hide for too long. And...if it helps, you can call me. I know it's not a fun subject, but that's okay.
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Date: 2010-09-26 06:56 pm (UTC)Okay. Thank you, Terra.