[action // locked to those in Luca]

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[Cloud is out in the main circle of Luca, where the cafe and the stalls are located, seated on the wall. It's hot and he's feeling particularly homesick today. As much as he enjoys being able to be with Zack and Aerith, he strangely misses his life.

Things weren't better at home, just different. It wasn't constantly sunny, and he had a lot of guilt to carry despite beginning to forgive himself, but at least at home he was useful.

At least at home he felt needed.]

Comments

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[Was that all? Aerith smiles.]

That's normal. How long have been here?

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[He shrugs again, frowning like a child.]

Nearly a year. Tifa has been here longer.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

I guess I don't blame you, then. I would be homesick too.

[At the mention of Tifa, Aerith remembers something-- the memory lights up across her face as she leans forward.]

Cloud... when were you planning to tell me you two were engaged~?

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[He looks shocked at first, then a little sheepish, turning his head away.]

I... well, I guess I forgot. You were here before, and... [He shakes his head slightly. Is that a blush? Quite possibly!]

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

Congratulations~

[Aerith finds great enjoyment out of his blushing. Her smile widens-- maybe the best way to distract Cloud would be to tease him.]

And Cloud? It's okay. I always thought you liked Tifa better, anyway~

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[Cloud pauses to think how to word what he wants to say.]

Not... not better but differently. I cherish everything and everyone, but you were always Zack's girl, even when I thought I was him.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

I was teasing you, Cloud. I'm glad you know who you are now, though. I'm pretty sure you thought I was a little strange when I told you I wanted to meet you.

[She shakes her head, leaning forward again.]

I might be Zack's girl, but that doesn't mean that you were only special to me because of how alike you two were. You were still Cloud, and that made you different no matter how much like Zack you were.

[She leaned back in her seat again.]

I am happy for you. And I'm happy I found him here, too.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[Cloud frowns as she speaks, but after a moment he decides to be brave and reach out to hug her, though it's quick and brief, the shyest hug anyone could ever give.

He pulls back swiftly and looks across the way, watching strangers going about their day.]

Aerith, I need to talk to you. About Holy and Meteor... and Sephiroth.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[She's surprised by the action, but Aerith hugs him back even for the short amount his own short, almost hesitant hug allowed. Her eyes follow him, expression not nearly as joyful as someone would have expected for just getting a hug.

Aerith tilts her head to the side a bit, eying him and wondering if she should let him know that Rude had already told her-- at least as much as he could. Instead, she decides its best to let him get off his chest what he feels he needs to.]

Mmhmm. I'm listening. I guess you know about Holy because I'm from a time in the past compared to you, right? I'm pretty sure I didn't tell you that was what I left to do.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I'm ahead of everyone here from our world. [He frowns a little at that thought. That was something that bugged him as well.]

I don't know if anyone already told you... but Sephiroth... he... [Cloud sighs lightly.]

After you summoned Holy, Sephiroth killed you. Holy... didn't really work to stop Meteor, but the Lifestream did. You did. It was... [He shakes his head a little, unsure of how to explain everything in his own way.]

We just knew it was you. I should have been able to stop him, but I didn't, the same as how I didn't save Zack... I'm sorry.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[Aerith is silent-- for once finding herself short on words. Hearing the same thing from Cloud that she heard from Rude drove the whole idea further home. She had almost been hoping it was just something he made up to get her to leave him alone.]

I... guess I don't know what to say, except I'm sure you have no reason to be sorry. You weren't the one who...

[She loses what she was about to say, glancing away from him.]

... I was in the Sleeping Forest before I came here, Cloud.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[He can't help but feel dreadful for everything, especially having to tell her these things, even if she'd heard it already. Looking away, he just falls silent.

He'd apologise again, but doesn't want her to get angry or upset, so he'll just be quiet.]

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

It's... no ones fault but my own, right? For going off alone, to do something that I thought would help and didn't in the end. I'm sorry, Cloud. You must have been worried.

[She turned her eyes back toward him, reaching across the table to place a hand on his arm.]

What did you mean about not being able to save Zack?

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

No, it was my fault. Sephiroth tried to make me do it, like he made me give him the Black Materia.

[He shakes his head a little, but her question makes him sigh.]

I never told you... but Zack died protecting me. It was before you and I met, but he'd carried me around for a year when I was catatonic.

[Cloud sighs, looking distraught in his gaze, though there is no expression anywhere else on his face.] I only managed to shake myself from that state when it was too late.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[That was a shock. Zack hadn't mentioned that he had died-- but then again, did he even know? Aerith's eyes widen a bit, watering until she closed them to will herself to stay in control. Cloud didn't need this right now, and neither did she.

She opened them again when the sting had passed.]

If that's the case, Cloud, then you had no control. Zack... chose to protect you. I chose to do something similar. It isn't your fault when it someone else's decision.

[The hand on his arm tightens slightly.]

I don't blame you. And I'm sure I never did.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[He frowns, resting his gloved hand on hers, squeezing it gently.]

After... after you died, when Geostigma came and Sephiroth returned, I could hear you both, in the Lifestream.

[He shakes his head, not at all sure how to explain it without sounding crazy.] Maybe it was because of how close I've come to dying... or my brush with the Lifestream, but I could hear you both.

You asked me what I wanted, and I told you... I wanted to be forgiven. [Cloud sighs lightly, feeling a little sick at being so open, even if it's Aerith.]

I think... I've been trying to forgive myself, and I thought I had, but... [But now he's not too sure. Not when he sees her almost crying.]

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[It doesn't sound crazy to her at all. She's heard voices of the planet from the Lifestream for as long as she can remember. It wouldn't surprise her if Cloud somehow managed to communicate with them.

She leans across the table a bit, placing her other hand over the one he had placed over hers, trying to give him a smile.]

Then forgive yourself now, Cloud. I'm here. You can feel that, right? And I'm telling you that it's okay. A surprise, but then again who can ever say they expect to die?

I don't want you to live feeling like your responsible for my choice, or Zack's choice. If...

[She paused, trying to think of exactly what to say-- and could she say this honestly? Her eyes close and reopen, filled with that same strong resolve Aerith had when she left to summon Holy.]

... even if I didn't succeed in summoning Holy, if I was able to somehow help and save the planet from the Lifestream, I would choose to do it again, no matter how many time I died. That could never be a mistake, so long as I know you let yourself be happy in the end.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[He nods a little, knowing he'd do the same if he was in Aerith's place. He'd risk his life and lose it repeatedly if it could protect everything he cherished.]

I'm trying. I've been working on it for a while now. I'm... I'll forgive myself entirely one day.

[He gives her a light smile, because this is the Aerith he knows and loves, even if they're talking about sad things.]

I'm really glad we could talk about this.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

Mmhmm. Me too.

[She nods, glad at least to see a small smile and some semblance of hope in Cloud's face. That made her feel better. She smiles too, taking one of her hands off of him.]

You had better~ I'm going to keep tabs on you until you do.

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[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

[Muttered, a little cheekily:] You'd keep tabs on me anyway.

I... thanks for talking to me. I feel a lot better now.

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[lilyoftheslums.livejournal.com]

[She heard that~ But it's true, so she won't say a word.]

Good, I'm glad. I was starting to get worried you wouldn't say anything! But if you need anything from now on, Cloud, you know where to find me.